So I’m having a fine day planting lots of poisonous plants in the garden and photoshopping some unwanted elements out of a video clip, when Tengrain decides to send me a link to a steaming pile of skull-fuckery that eclipses even the most semi-rational argument that Michelle Malkin could conjure, because DavidFuckingBroder at least has the capability to sound reasoned. So let’s begin, shall we?
That was a rare and splendid moment when the president of the United States and the former vice president offered their sharply contrasting views on maintaining national security in back-to-back televised addresses last week.
Yes, fucking splendid! Because just when you thought the proctologist had finished with the cavity search, he takes a sip of his dry martini and shoves his finger even deeper into your ass, because he insists the cancer is there, even if all the tests have indicated otherwise. Because he knows, okay? How dare you question authority, even if he no longer has a license to practice.
I found myself thinking about how much more satisfying and enlightening this impromptu exchange was than the presidential or vice presidential debates in which the same two men participated when they were running for office. The strict time limits imposed in those encounters, and the consequent reliance on sound-bite answers, prevented the kind of sustained argument that we saw from both.
Splendid, satisfying and impromptu! It’s a Camel cigarette ad wrapped up in a soft-core swingers party, except that Broder neglected to mention that one of the participants has been leaving availability flyers on every signpost for the last 12 days, and pimping out his daughter as a bonus. This may be the first ever book tour that took place before even the first ghost writer was waterboarded and forced to scrawl on sackcloth with his own blood.
I thought Cheney’s strongest point was his assertion that Obama had “no plan” for handling the 240 occupants of the Guantanamo Bay prison when he announced, soon after taking office, that the facility would be closed within a year.
That announcement, fulfilling an explicit campaign pledge, symbolized a sharp break from the previous Republican administration and won Obama praise from European allies and many of his core supporters here at home.
But by placing an easy gesture ahead of a thought-out strategy, Obama left himself vulnerable to the backlash we have seen — and allowed critics such as Cheney to question his seriousness in handling sensitive security questions.
Because you can’t be serious about addressing serious policy matters as long as you’re mired in legal issues, such as whether the previous administration violated international law. Anyway, it helps if you’re part man, part machine, willing to shoot anyone in the face first, and submit to questions later, as long as it’s a closed session with no official transcript. You also reserve the right to tell the committee chair to go fuck himself.
Cheney, too, is scornful of the simplistic formulas that politicians tend to favor — one reason he was never a big hit on the campaign circuit. But he is as serious about governing as Obama is, and as confident in his own judgments.
Broder’s on a roll here. Nothing reflects confidence in one’s own judgment more than having Google Earth images of your residence obscured, and scrambling now to avoid prosecution for having a couple of guys waterboarded 266 times in the space of 2 months. It wasn’t enough to get whatever information you could acquire through torture. You had to hear it over and over to be sure. Cheney claims that the information saved thousands of American lives, but there is no hard data to back up his assertion. But facts demonstrate that nearly 3000 lives were lost on September 11, while he was so “serious about governing”. For all his reference to 9/11, that is conveniently overlooked.
But maybe that’s okay with DavidFuckingBoder, as long as some remnant of the Bush administration is still there for him to take comfort in.